Marijuana Maintenance

Marijuana was not my problem. 

I didn't like it. It wasn't a trigger for me. It wasn't my problem. So, technically, I should be able to continue to use it and consider myself "sober."*  Right?

Here's the thing...

This program is about rigorous honesty.

True, pot wasn't my problem, but you know what else wasn't my problem? Alcohol. Yes, I'm an alcoholic, but that wasn't my problem... It was a SYMPTOM of my problem.

My problem is not with drugs and alcohol, my problem is with me and why I need those things in the first place. The use of any mind impairing substance will keep me from confronting the problems that plague the deepest corners of my psyche and serve only as a roadblock to wellness.

In my program, the idea of "sobriety" coupled with "marijuana use" is a complete impossibility. 

I quit drinking because I had lost control over my addiction. I didn't like who I had become. It was a "quality of life" issue. My life was in the toilet because of my drinking -- I would NEVER get my life back unless I completely gave myself over to sobriety.

For me, mind impairing substances are an escape. They are the tool that allows me to disconnect from reality and run from my problems, rather than confront them and work on becoming the best person I can be. 

And yes, nicotine and coffee can be considered "mind altering" (though personally, I've never heard of anyone pawning their grandmother's jewelry for a latte) and, if you really want to go deep, you can drop sugar into that category as well. To be clear, I make a distinction between "mind altering" and "mind impairing" (e.g. drugs that cause us to disassociate from reality: alcohol, pot, and harder drugs), as well as "medically prescribed" substances, but that's another discussion for another day.

To quote the Big Book, "we thought we could find an easier, softer way, but we could not." Sobriety is hard work. It doesn't come easy. As a newcomer, if someone had offered me the option of "maintaining" my sobriety via marijuana, I would have jumped at such an easier, softer alternative. I would also have surely relapsed back into my disease. 

As such, I'd be lying if said this ideology didn't give me concern for the newcomer who may be exposed to it.

Everyone has to do what's best for them. If you've convinced yourself that you can work an honest and rigorous program while high, I say, "go with God." Nobody's keeping tabs, nobody's keeping score. It's your program and you have to do what's best for you. I sincerely hope you make it.

For my part, I will not sponsor someone who smokes pot while working the steps. I personally believe a clear head is needed for this process. To do otherwise would be a waste of my time.

I cannot work a rigorously honest program if I'm high, if my mind is impaired at any level. My whole addiction is predicated on using artificial stimulants as an escape from my emotions, a way to cut off the world and avoid facing the problems that keep me from functioning as a responsible member of society. If I'm using weed, I'm continuing to run from my problems rather than face them.

For me, solid growth in sobriety requires good judgement. The use of any substance that impairs my judgment will interfere with positive, forward progression. If I don't address my sobriety with a clear head, I will only digress. If I'm not growing in sobriety, what's the point of being sober? 

Make no mistake, if the day ever comes when picking up the bottle or lighting a joint will improve my quality of life, I won't hesitate to partake. I also won't call myself "sober." 

If that's the path you choose, I won't judge you... neither will I refer to you as "sober."

"Greatest lesson I've learned this year is you can't have one foot in your old life and one foot in your new life and expect change. You have to fully commit to your new life." - motivational quotes

This is one person's opinion. It may differ from yours, and that's okay. As they say in the rooms, "Take what you need and leave the rest."

*Footnote: Personally, I don't differentiate between "sober" and "clean." Semantics. For me, they're one and the same.