Bee A Wasp

A common phrase parroted in the rooms of recovery proclaims, "My disease is doing push ups in the corner, waiting for me to slip up."  In my early recovery, I fancied this a nonsensical remark with no concrete foundation in reality.  "My disease is getting stronger while I'm sober?  That makes no sense!"  It took a few years for the wisdom of this phrase to burrow deep and take root.

I'm an avid practitioner of MMA (mixed martial arts).  People often ask, "Why do you train in martial arts? You trying to be a tough guy?"  In truth, my reasons for practicing MMA vary from "It's a great source of exercise" to "It's a cathartic purge-valve for releasing stress."  Ultimately, I'm not trying to be the toughest guy in the room, just the toughest target.

Allow me to elaborate...  Let's say you're walking through the woods and a mosquito lands on your arm.  What do you do?  You SMASH it.  You proceed down the trail and a few minutes later a wasp lands on the same arm.  Now what do you do?   You hold your breath and gingerly brush the insect away, praying not to agitate it in the process.   Granted, you inherently understand your own power dwarfs that of the wasp and you can squash the life from its tiny frame with one swat (like the mosquito), yet you take care to lightly brush it away and run screaming in terror if it pulls a 180 and heads back in your direction. You grant the wasp due respect and hope he goes about his business without reprisal. Why do you treat the mosquito different from the wasp?  Easy: the wasp has a stinger.  It possesses the potential to inflict a small degree of pain - the mosquito doesn't.

Therein lies my soul purpose for practicing mixed martial arts.  When the toughest guy in the room decides to go looking for trouble, I'd rather he view me as a wasp than a mosquito.  Sure, he can crush me with a single blow, but he'll likely get stung in the process.  In as such, said tough guy will carve a wide swath around me, not for fear of defeat, but because less dangerous prey can be found nearby. I'm a tough target.

I often notice relapse incidents occur because addicts fail to make themselves tough targets for their disease.  For me, steadfast sobriety maintenance equals long-term recovery.  My disease is cunning, baffling, and powerful.  It can squash me with a single blow if I'm not careful.  As with martial arts, I must constantly exercise my sobriety by fostering a relationship with God, going to meetings, doing the step work, and being of service, whereby sidestepping the deadliest disease in the room.  I'm a tough target.

My disease is doing push-ups in the corner, gaining strength every day, waiting for the opportunity to crush me.  It's up to me to decide if I'm going to be an easy target.  I can stop going to meetings, abandon my step work, and neglect my contact with God, or I can do push-ups in my own corner.

Personally, I'd rather be a wasp than a mosquito.