Resentments

Forgiveness is an act of will.

I've noticed that I can get 100 compliments from 100 different people, but if just one person offers a criticism, that becomes the only opinion that matters. The overwhelming positive feedback means nothing, only that tiny bit of negativity matters.

Nobody ever gossips about the good things their neighbor (or pastor) does, only the naughty, scandalous acts. Reality shows, news reports, and viral videos skew overwhelmingly toward the negative aspects of our society.

Why? Because that's what the audience wants. That's what sells. We're hardwired to focus on the negative. 

For our ancestors, it was necessary for survival. Sure, finding a new "berry patch" was a positive thing, but missing that patch wasn't an immediate threat to one's survival - noticing a sabertooth tiger lurking in the bushes however... Such immediate, negative threats had to be shared with the community right away, and the bearer of such news would be lauded a savior. Village members didn't have the luxury of "investigating" such claims (to do so could get you killed), they simply took the witness' word for it and ran.  

In addition, it was important to remember these dangers in order to protect from future peril. It benefited our ancestors to "hold on" to negative experiences, discuss them around the campfire, and pass them onto younger generations. It could be the difference between life and death.

Though the chances of running into a man-eater today has markedly diminished, our desire to hold onto negative experiences has not. Since there are no tigers to run from, our brain focuses on whatever comes our way - relationship issues, disrespect at the workplace, unwashed dishes in the sink... whatever. We're hard-wired to focus on the negative, believe it without question, share it with others, and keep it for future use. 

That last part, the "keep it" part... that's what we call "resentment."

A former friend of mine has been holding a grudge against me for nearly 30 years. To be fair, I betrayed our friendship while in the depths of my addiction (not an excuse, just a fact). I've tried to make amends over the years, to say I'm sorry for my behavior those many decades ago, but her disdain for me just seems to grow stronger and stronger as the years roll on, as if she feeds on it, and has seemed to devolve into pure hatred. She has spent the last three decades dragging my name through the mud to anyone who will listen. I suppose digging up past hurts gives her some temporary satisfaction, like picking at an old scab and not allowing the wound to heal. From what I hear, she thinks of me often.

As for me, I have moved on. I don't associate with that group of people any longer, so the venom doesn't reach me. I rarely give a thought for this person other than the occasional "resentment" illustration (this writing as an example), but other than that, our broken relationship rents no space in my head. It saddens me to know there is someone out there who holds such vitriol for me, but I don't hate her for her resentment... I pity her.

Resentment causes stress and depression, affects our health, and eats us from the inside out. Fostering such hatred takes energy - negative energy. When we let the dark forces in, they bring friends. Before long, those negative energies infiltrate every corner of our life, festering in the shadows of our mind and soul, eventually spewing out onto others, spreading the scourge. Resentment is a plague.

The only cure for resentment is forgiveness. 

True forgiveness and letting go of hurt grinds against our wiring. It may be one of the most difficult mental feats we can attempt as human beings, especially when there's no repentance from the offender. Either way, we must learn to forgive, not for them, but for ourselves, as forgiveness is necessary for inner peace, physical health, and mental balance.

Forgiveness isn't easy, it is an act of will.