Step #6

Step #6 - "Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character."

Take a good, long look at the character defects you've uncovered in Step #4.  Guess what?  This is how others see you.  Shocking right?  All this time, you've shuffled through life believing you were the "cat's meow," a wonderful person, idolized by your fellow man.  Think again.

The question becomes, "Do you want to continue to carry this negative image, or is it time for change?"

After working my 4th step, I uncovered a BOAT LOAD of character defects.  These were those nasty little behaviors which led to the many regrettable decisions listed (and admitted to) in steps #4 and #5: Anger, pride, and impatience ranked among the top.  All of my past wreckage related directly to these behaviors.  For instance...

Before Step #6:  I'm driving along, stuck in the usual LA traffic.  I have places to go, people to see.  I'm a very important person (a legend in my own mind).  In as such, my angst bubbles high and my patience drains low.  At this very moment, I glance into my side mirror to see a car speeding up the shoulder, past all of the cars lined up in traffic, pulling in front of my vehicle, cutting me off.  Me!  ME!! "How dare he!  Does he think he's above the law?  Is his time more valuable than the rest of ours?  Clearly, he doesn't know who he just messed with!  Someone needs to teach this jerk a lesson... and that person is ME!"  Pride.

Here's where the anger kicks in assumes control of the wheel...  I swing my car to left, punch the gas, and begin to pass.  As I pull next to this insolent wretch, I'm careful to make eye contact; I want to see the expression on his face change from cockiness to horror when I run him off the road, which I do in short order.  He veers to the right, in order to avoid a collision, and slams headlong into the center rail.  At the same time, I head for the nearest offramp to make good my escape.

Aren't I grand?  I just taught this total stranger a valuable life lesson, right?  Unlikely.  Truth be told, I quickly come to the realization that someone may have taken my license number.  I spend the next 2 weeks looking over my shoulder, breaking out in a sweat at the sight of every black-and-white that comes across my path.  I'm also doomed to drive that same stretch of road every day, worrying that I may meet that driver once more, resulting in yet another confrontation.  I replay the event over and over in my head; every waking moment spent in compulsive recollection.  I'm consumed.

What did I accomplish?  Did my victim drive home from the body shop, step into his house, and proclaim, "I have learned my lesson.  From this day forward I vow to show consideration to fellow drivers!" No.  My only accomplishment was to allow this individual to lease some MAJOR rental space in my head.  Impatience led to pride, pride led to anger, anger led to acting out, acting out led to weeks of apprehension and fear.

I have a million of these stories.  None of them end well.  On the other hand...

After Step #6: - I pulled into a busy gas station to top off the tank.  Of the two pumps from which to choose, only one stood vacant (the other was occupied by a red Nissan).  I positioned my truck beside the open pump, put it in park, and exited the vehicle.  At the same time, a pleasantly plump black woman pulled her car in behind my truck and awaited her turn to gas up.

Just as I swiped my card through the reader, the red Nissan pulled away, vacating the second gas pump.  Thinking nothing of it, I proceeded to fill my tank, during which time another vehicle came from the opposite direction and pulled into the empty space.

After topping off my tank, I replaced my gas cap and looked up to discover my truck boxed in on both sides.  The guy in front of me, at the other pump, was in mid-fill.  He wasn't going anywhere.  I turned back to the black lady behind my car, who I now noticed was glaring at me as if I had just stepped on her hamster.  I strolled over to her window and bent down to eye level, "Excuse me, ma'am.  If you wouldn't mind backing up, I can move my truck and -"
    "I'm not backing up nothin'!"  She snapped. "That man moved and you let another car pull in!"
     I let another car pull in?  How is that my fault?  "I didn't let him pull in, ma'am.  I had already swiped my card and-"
     "That's a lie!" she screamed.  "I was here, watching the whole thing.  You let him in.  I ain't movin' for nothin'!"

Decision time.

Now, I'll be honest... my first instinct involved a reversion to "old behavior."  That is to say, images flashed through my mind of smashing her side-view mirror with my foot and screaming profanity until she fled in fear (admittedly, there may also have been some spitting involved in this thought process).  I knew, by experience, that these actions would succeed in accomplishing my goal: To get her out of my way.  I also knew, deep down, it would also succeed in bringing about old ramifications:  Weeks of fear and apprehension.

Then a funny thing happened... I stopped.  I didn't react... I thought.  Instead of giving into my instincts, I analyzed the situation and thought, "I'm going to try something different here..."  I took a step back from her car, released the tension in my shoulders, and smiled.  With all of the sincerity I could summon, I said, "You know what?  I apologize.  I honestly didn't mean to inconvenience you.  If I did, I'm so sorry."  A little man, deep inside my gut, began to giggle with delight as I watched this woman's face turn from burning rage to absolute bewilderment.  She did not see this coming.  To be honest, neither did I.

I leaned in, my smile broadening.  "Are you okay?"
     She broke eye contact and looked at her steering wheel, struggling to make sense of what just happened.  "Uh ... yeah... I ... I'm fine."
     I straightened up.  Every fiber of my being struggled not to laugh.  "Great!  Listen, if you want to back up a bit, I'll be happy to get out of your way.  How's that sound?"
     Without saying a word, she nodded, fumbled with her gearshift, and backed out.
     I waved and headed back to my truck.  "Have a nice day!"

I pulled out of that gas station and headed down the road with TEARS streaming down my face.  Not tears of sorrow, not tears of worry, but tears of laughter.  My sides ached by the time I arrived home.

Did I accomplish anything that day?  Did that woman arrive home, swing her door open and proclaim, "From this day forward, I vow to be more patient and considerate with strangers!"  Probably not.  But I guarantee I made a positive impact.  I guarantee she went home and told someone our story and I guarantee she did it with a smile on her face.

To this day, I remember that exchange, not with angst or anger, rather with joy and pride.  I could have gone two ways: One would have taken me down a dark road of rage and fear, the other down a road of laughter and fond remembrance.  I made the right choice - the road less traveled.

And that, my friends, is what Step #6 is all about.  We become aware of our instincts and make a conscious decision to change a lifetime of learned behaviors in order to positively effect our own lives and the lives of those around us.  We begin the process of changing how the world views us.

We can't do it alone.  We need the help of a higher power.  We place ourselves into a position of "readiness" and God works with us to affect the change.