His Will (deux)

The next thing God gave me to work on was patience (I had none). 

Here's an example of how it worked: Some little old lady would hurry to get in front of me in line at the grocery store, only to pull out her checkbook and a stack of coupons. I would lose my patience and publicly berate the woman for her idiotic behavior. Of course, this led to a confrontation, which in turn, led to days of internal dialogue, stewing over "what I should have said/done" to that inconsiderate old bag.

     

Impatience led to anger which led to acting out which led to an unnecessary amount of mental energy committed to an extremely minor incident.

This scenario extended beyond grocery store lines... It happened with the guy who cut me off on the road, the woman who stole my parking spot, the Karen who confronted me at the gas station... in other words, anyone who got in my way.

I found I was angry ALL the time.

That's when I decided to pray for patience. As I've mentioned before, God doesn't grant patiences, he teaches it by sending people to test our patience... and BOY did he!

And it worked. I began to make a concerted effort to stop and take a breath before reacting. I started waving people over into my lane, I started allowing little old ladies the grace to be little old ladies, checkbooks and all.

Do you know what happened? My anger subsided and my happiness grew.

To be transparent... I'm far from perfect. I still slip every now and again and let a finger fly on the freeway, but for the most part I'm now a much more calm and content person with a clearer mind, free to focus on the positive things in my life, rather than the negative.

Funny how that works.

His Will

While in the thick of my disease, I knew, deep down inside, that I could never know happiness and peace until I let go and surrendered to God’s will.  There came a point, in my exhaustion, that I said, “Just tell me what you want.  I’ll do anything. I’ll become a missionary in Zimbabwe if that’s what it takes to have peace. Just tell me and I’ll do it.”

The answer came, “There’s just one thing I want you to do right now.”

     “Name it.”  I said.

  “Turn around.”

  “That’s it?”

  “That’s it.”

I slowly turned and faced Him.

     

  “Now,” He said, “I want you to stop drinking.”

I was reluctant. “First I stop drinking, then I have to give up cigarettes and cussing. I know where this is headed... you want to turn me into an altar boy!”

   "I’m not asking you to do any of those things.  If you want to live in my will, we have to focus on what you need to do today. We’ll worry about tomorrow when we get there.”

   “No, God! I’m ready now! Let’s get to it!”

   “We will. But right now, you need to put down the bottle.”

     

I wanted everything now. I had to learn that things happen in God’s time… and he has ALL the time in the world.

Do You Believe?

You either "believe" in something, or "know" it... You can't do both.

If I encounter a new chair, I may believe it to be well made and structurally sound. In turn, I will believe it can hold my weight, but I won't KNOW it until I sit down.

Once I sit, I no longer "believe" in the soundness of the chair, I "know" it.

The same goes with sobriety. In my early days of sobriety, I believed the steps would lead me to emotional and spiritual freedom. I believed my life would improve should I practice the principles of sobriety. I believed... but I didn't know.

It wasn't until I went through the process, year by year, one step at a time, that I came to "know" that the Promises were true.

Now, with over 20 years under my belt and solid knowledge (not belief), I do my best to lead New Comers from belief into knowledge. I must lead by example to show them the reality of a better life through God, the Steps, and sobriety.

For those who would argue that "belief" in God is enough, I would ask, "Do you believe in God... or do you know Him?"