Off the Wagon

Nobody falls off the wagon. They jump.

To be clear, no one has ever (honestly) said the words, "I didn't mean to relapse... I slipped and the bottle fell into my mouth." 

Every relapse is premeditated. 

Every. Single. One. 

No exceptions.

Relapse is about intent.

A normie friend recently ask me, "What would happen if you 'accidentally' took a drink of alcohol... say, you ordered a Virgin Margherita and the bartender screwed up and served it with tequila? Would that be a relapse? Would you fall right back into you addiction?"

"Well, that depends..." I responded. "...on what I do the moment I realize there's booze in the drink. If I immediately put the drink down and don't take another sip, it is not a relapse because there was no intent to drink the alcohol on my end. On the other hand, if I take just ONE more sip after I've realized the drink is spiked, then yes, it's a relapse and I have to start counting days again."

There's a misconception among normies that if alcohol simply touches the lips of an addict, we'll somehow fall into a state of uncontrollable compulsion, head straight to the nearest liquor store, and wind up back in the gutter as soon as our wobbly little legs can get us there. 

Not so.

In fact, there's actually alcohol in many products that people in recovery use on a daily basis: cough medicine, mouth wash, orange juice (yes, that's right, a glass of orange juice can contain up to 1/10 the percentage of alcohol as a bottle of beer). Some recovering addicts will avoid said items because they are "triggers" to relapse for them and best avoided. Others have no issue consuming these products, as the intent in using them is "as directed" and not for mind/mood-altering purposes. 

I once heard a new-comer (someone with less than 1 year of sobriety) half-jokingly ask their sponsor, "So... if I tell a friend to drop a hit of acid into my drink when I'm not looking, that's not a relapse?"

"Incorrect." Came the response. "That's still premeditation."

"But if someone spikes my drink with booze," she continued, "and I didn't ask them to, I could get wasted and not have to start over in recovery, right?"

"Wrong," responded the sponsor. "You would taste, smell, or feel the effects of the alcohol long before you got wasted. Any drink after that is a relapse."

She sunk back in her chair and crossed her arms, defeated.

Sometimes relapse is obvious, no need to bring the ref out onto the field, but many times it is a personal journey. A friend of mine was prescribed Vicodin for back pain... he took ONE extra pill after his pain had subsided and called himself out.  He gave up his sobriety date over ONE pill. Now that's what I call rigorous honesty. 

This is why recovery is considered a "personal journey." One can only experience true recovery if they are COMPLETELY honest with themselves about the path they're traveling. 

The beauty of this system is if you're lying about your sobriety and taking dirty chips, nobody cares! 

It's your journey, do what you want! 

The only person you'd be lying to is you.