Monday, June 12, 2023

My Future Relapse

My wife and I were talking about a "Long-timer" (someone who has many years of sobriety) that I knew in AA who was diagnosed with terminal cancer. In order to deal with the pain, he started smoking pot. She wondered aloud why anyone would throw all that sobriety away after abstaining for so long. My response, "Hey, if I was dying from cancer, I'd smoke a bowl in a second!"

"You would??" she asked. 

"Yep. In fact, when we get old, if you die first and leave me alone, I'm gonna tell them to put me out on the front porch with a bottle of whisky and box of cigars and leave me to slide into eternity with a smile on my face."

"No!" she gasped. "I wouldn't want you to give up your sobriety because I'm gone!"

I laughed and explained to her that (for me) sobriety is not an "abstinence" issue, it's a "quality of life" issue. 

I once heard someone at the podium say, "If it wasn't for hangovers, I'd still be drinking!" No truer words have ever been spoken. I didn't quit drinking and smoking because my parents, my friends, or Jesus wanted me to... I quit because my life was MISERABLE. My alcoholism had lowered my quality of life to the point where I didn't want to continue living -- Had drinking improved my quality of life at all, I would still be drinking today. 

Fortunately, I have a lot to live for today. I have a beautiful marriage, to a beautiful woman, with a beautiful home, and beautiful family and friends. Today, I'm happier than I've ever been because I'm sober. I have so many things that I would not have if I were still in my addiction. Today, I'm sober because it improves my quality of life. Period. 

That said, the day may come when when time takes it all away. On that day, I may decide the only way I can continue on, the only thing that will improve my quality of life, will be found at the bottom of a bottle. 

I hope that day never comes, but if it does... bottoms up!


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