I recently earned my black belt in Brazilian Jiu Jitsu—something I’ve worked toward for years. What’s funny is that the deeper I’ve gone into the world of fighting, the less I’ve actually wanted to fight.
It sounds counterintuitive, but it’s true:
The more you train as a fighter, the less interested you become in physical confrontation.
Why?
Because real fighting—outside the mat—is almost always born from ego-driven anger. And the root of anger, when we boil it down, is fear. Fear of being disrespected. Fear of being embarrassed. Fear of feeling small, weak, or vulnerable.
But training dissolves that fear.
Hour after hour on the mats teaches you where your limits actually are. It strips away the insecurity that fuels aggression. When you’re comfortable being tested—when you’ve been choked, arm-barred, smashed, and still come back smiling—your ego quiets down. Suddenly, there’s no need to “prove” anything.
No fear, no anger.
No anger, no need to fight.
And as strange as it may sound, this applies just as much off the mat.
The resentments we carry in life are simply anger we’ve decided to hold onto. They’re rooted in the same fears: fear of being wronged, overlooked, dismissed, or unloved. In recovery, the steps guide us toward confronting those fears directly—dragging them into the light so they can’t control us anymore.
Once the fear is addressed, the anger evaporates.
And with the anger gone, we finally get to breathe. We get to walk through the world lighter, calmer, less reactive.
We get to be free.
My black belt in sobriety has made me a better human being—one who doesn’t have to fight at all.
